Window Shopping on Eharmony
by PokeyDotes
Summary: Nell needs a "date" for an op. Kensi and Deeks decide to help her out. (This story is ridiculous)


I've been suffering from a massive case of writer's block. A lot's happened in the last year and honestly, writing has had to be pushed to the bottom of the To-Do list. Having said that, my writing muscles have atrophied, and there have been many days where I stare at a blank screen with no idea what to write. Thanks to a marathon of The Big Bang Theory and a throw away comment from the character Penny about "window shopping on Eharmony", I decided to force myself to write. I turned off the TV, sat a timer for 30 minutes, and told myself that I was going to post whatever I wrote. The following story is the product. Please do not look for a plot. There might be one, but there's no logic to this story, the holes in it would sink ships. I just needed something to reintroduce me to the characters.

* * *

Kensi's sitting on the edge of Deeks' desk, her legs crossed Indian style, elbows resting on knees as she focuses on the most recent candidate on the screen. "Oh, he's nice."

Deeks rolls his eyes. "Sure, if you're into that GQ David Beckham thing, then yeah."

"I'm pretty sure everyone's into that GQ David Beckham thing," Kensi informs him.

"What happened to 'I like things with flaws'? You did say that, right? Like, out loud? Or did I just imagine that?"

"If we're counting a potential foot fetish as a flaw then we might have a winner," Kensi says, pointing to the section of the screen detailing Mr. Nice's preference for his date to wear open toe shoes.

Nell wrinkles her nose. "Pass. Feet gross me out," she says, as she clicks on the image of a muscled man leaning against the hood of a bright yellow mustang.

"It'd be your feet he'd be checking out," Deeks points out, eyes squinting as he reads over the new guy's bio. "It's not like he'd want you to touch his. Well, maybe—"

"I'm with Nell," Kensi interrupts, not wanting to know what pervy thought caused the smirk to appear on Deeks' face. "Foot fetish freaks are out."

"Calling them 'freaks' is a bit harsh," Deeks tells her, blinking as the image on the screen suddenly changes as Nell clicks on a different man's picture. "I mean, they're more like ardent admirers of the pedestrian flesh."

Nell and Kensi both cock an eyebrow and look at Deeks in dismay. Shaking her head at her partner, Kensi reaches over towards Nell's tablet and clicks the "Next" button, once again changing the image on the screen. "I know you were probably trying to help, but you just made it sound creepier."

"Hmm," Nell says tilting her head as she studies the newest man on the screen. He looks like one of those tall, dark, and handsome types, complete with smoldering eyes and dark wavy hair. Kensi crosses her arms across her chest and tilts her head, imitating Nell's pose as she echoes her friend's "Hmm."

Deeks looks between both women and the screen. "Hmm good, or hmm bad?"

"Definitely good," Nell says with a smile, clicking the button that will bring up the stranger's bio.

"Oh, he knows how to cook," Kensi points out in a tone that lets Deeks know that that fact is definitely a point in Mr. Hmm's favor.

"You hate cooking," he says, eyes quickly scanning the screen for something negative.

"Exactly," Kensi agrees, "He'd do all the cooking so I wouldn't have to." She waits a beat, and then gently elbows him in the side before adding, "Like you do."

Deeks grins as he takes a step towards the screen. "I'm convinced you were surviving on a diet of Twinkies and cheap chocolate before I came along," he says, "but this guy's a no go. It would never work out."

"Why?" Nell and Kensi ask at the same time.

"Because it says here that Mr. Salvatore is a lactose intolerant vegetarian."

Both Nell and Kensi's eyebrows raise again. "So?"

"So, your favorite food is bacon cheese fries," he says, looking at Kensi.

"You two do remember that we're supposed to be finding _ME_ a date, right?" Nell asks exasperatedly. "A _PRETEND_ date, as in it doesn't matter if he likes to eat ravioli off the floor, it'll only be for the Op kinda date?"

Deeks, choosing to miss the point of Nell's tiny outburst, gives a lopsided grin. "Kensi eats pizza off the floor."

This time, the elbow Kensi sends into his side is anything but gentle. "Oh, my god! No! It was one time, it was the last piece, I dropped it, and there's a five second rule! Why would you tell people about that?"

"I don't think the five second rule counts if there's a dog in the house," Deeks says as he wrinkles his nose. "Monty sleeps on that floor."

"It was clean," Kensi tells Nell, trying her best to defend herself.

Nell gives a tight-lipped smile and she nods, "O-kay…but, changing the subject…do we send this guy an invite or no?"

Still smiling at Kensi's mortification, Deeks gives a shrug. "Sure, if you're okay with a diet that consists of tofu and kale."

"Pretend date, Deeks," Nell reminds him. "No changes to diets necessary."

"Is Eric aware you're window shopping on Eharmony?" Deeks asks, changing the subject with a crooked grin.

Nell shrugs, the corners of her mouth turning down in an _I don't know_ kind of way. She doesn't meet his eyes, choosing instead to focus on whatever message she's going to send to convince Mr. Salvatore he needs to accept her invitation.

"Hmm." Deeks leans back against his desk, his thumbs hooking into his front pockets. "Is there any reason we aren't telling him."

"Because it hasn't come up," Nell answers. She looks up and levels him with a firm glare. "Besides, it doesn't matter. _Pretend_ date. Remember?"

"If it didn't matter, we could have gone with Mr. Foot Fetish."

Taking pity on Nell, Kensi pokes Deeks in the arm and says, "You'd rather her be uncomfortable on the job?"

"How come no one cares about my comfort when we're on a job? Hmm?" Deeks asks, his tone sounding a little too whiny, making Kensi roll her eyes. "I'm serious. Do you remember Kirkin? Huh? Does Russian bathhouse ring any bells?"

"Let it go, Deeks." Kensi gives Nell a friendly pat on the arm as she grabs Deeks' shoulders and steers him towards the exit.

Nell continues typing on her tablet as she listens to Kensi and Deeks' retreating voices as they continue to argue.

"Forget it? Kensi, I was naked. In a pool with other naked men. They dunked me under, do you know what I saw? It was a heated pool. No cold water, no shrinkage. I saw everything in its frighteningly natural state. That's not something you 'let go'."

"If you don't shut up, _I'm_ gonna start window shopping on Eharmony."

* * *

The end. Of this story at least. I'm hoping to start writing more.


End file.
